Monday, December 31, 2007

...oDe To 2007...

...oDe To 2007…

the year has been nothing short
of the biggest rollercoaster ive ever been on
ive been in situations that range from
gigantic clusterfucks to absolute bliss
nevertheless im lucky to have people in my life
that i can depend on and grow with
so for the upcoming year im hopin for
less clusterfucks & more bliss…


...2007 ~~~ wRaPpEd Up...

bIgGeSt MoMeNtS: successfully competing my 1st counseling internship & doing so well that they offered me a job, celebrating another year with the love of my life
bIgGeSt ReGrEtS: lost friendships
tRaVeLeD: chicago, watertown, buffalo
pLaNs FoR 2008: graduate from grad school with my masters in mental health counseling, get married, start house hunting to purchase my 1st home, BUY A NEW CAR!!!

Saturday, December 29, 2007

...in 2007


1-Did you kiss anyone? yup

2-Did you date anyone? yup

3-Are you going to kiss someone when the ball drops? yup

4-Did you lose any friends? yes

5-Did you gain any friends? sure

6-Did you do something new? probably

7-Did anyone important to you die? no

8-Did you change? i experienced changes

9- Are you happy with the year overall? i suppose

10-Whats the best thing that happened to you? one of the best things was getting a 100% on my psychopharmology final exam (thats hard to do in grad school)

11-Did you fall in or out of love? i fell in love with my future hubby all over again constantly throughout the year

12-Are you happy the years almost over? yes!!!!!!!!!! ~ big things are coming in 2008!

13-Are you going to change something about yourself next year? things will definitely change next year

14-Do you think 2008 will be a better year then 2007? it has to be ~ there's too many great things in the works
15-Did you lose your virginity in 2007? it's been missing for a while now

16- What did you screw up in 2007? nothing major...ive done worse

17-Did you go to an amusement park? no too busy

18-Did you go to a concert? same as Q17

19-Did you go to any parties? a few

20-Did you go on a summer vacation? no but i did go on a few weekend trips

21-Did you lie to your parents? no, haven't had to do that since i moved out of their place


22-Are you enjoying your relationship? most of the time (hey, nothings perfect)

23-Did you leave the country? no

24-Did you have a good birthday? probably the same quality of birthdays that ive had for the past few years

25-Did anyone in your family get married? no, not in my family but a few friends did

26-Do you think you grew up? absolutely

27-Did you dye your hair? yes

28-Would you kiss the last person you kissed? i'd have to say yes, since i'm plannin to kiss him for the rest of my life

29-Did anyone sing to you? yup...it was cute, very comical but cute

30-Did you sing to anyone? yup, including a bar with about 20 ppl in it....i sang the national anthem thanks to a bet from a friend

31-Did anyone tell you they loved you? my family, a few friends and my soon-to-be-hubby

32-Did you ever go to the hospital? no

33-What did you drink and eat the most? tacos, cuz they're my fav food & probably sprite or beer

34-Did you change your top 8 friend on myspace at least 8 times? no

35-Did you change your myspace profile over 10 times? no

36-Did you change your myspace default pic at least 20 times? no

37-Did you get a tattoo? no

38-Did you vote? yes

39-Are you going to make a new years resolution? yes

40-Did you stick to your new years resolution from last year? not entirely

41. Think you'll date someone in 2008? yes

42. Where will you be when the ball drops? at some bar

43. Do you think you will make new friends in 2008? i hope so

44. Are you hoping to meet someone special in 2008? nope, i'm covered in that area

45. How do you feel, another year has passed you by? i wish i'd made a few decisions differently, but i think i'll do better in 08'

46. Learn anything important about someone? Yes

47. How old will you be next year? 24

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

...mErRy ChRiStMaS...

and so this is christmas...

for some unknown reason
this holiday season just
doesn't seem to add up
i have family & friends all around me
but ive never felt so alone
maybe it has somethin to do with
the fact that one of my really great friends
called me this morning to wish me a merry
christmas and then profess his love for me
i was absolutely not expecting that
i cant talk to my fiance b/c he will just get
angry that this friend "pursued" me & i will get no where fast...
i am upset with this friend b/c now we are no longer goin to be able to
talk...i cant have him makin me feel uncomfortable and pissin off my fiance
by bein all weird everytime we hang out-why do things have to be so complicated
just once id like to have a normal holiday (no drama) but whos to say whats normal anyway...

Sunday, December 23, 2007

...bOuNd...

i wish i could shed away all my pain through tears
release…a new found sense of freedom
to separate the hurt, shame…the sting of
loving
no one ever said love would be this hard
2 feel so strongly for another
~drained~
bound by the pulls of society
this way & that; that way & this
the throbbing grows ever steadily to the brink of explosion
release…
the only sense of escape
CRY
y cant i

Thursday, December 20, 2007

...sUrReNdEr...

2 me
surrender urself
…fully…completely…entirely
and i ... will in turn
due
the same
helplessly
guided
by the magnetic attraction to
…U

relinquish me
~ as i have u…

Friday, November 30, 2007

...lOsT...

years & years of disappointment
where are u, y aren't u here
a multitude of memories;
without u there
devastation
deprivation
i'm lost & alone...

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

everything...



everything i need and i never knew i wanted...

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

...kIsS...

simple action
leads 2 sweet embrace fully completely in tune
with ur partner
releasing urself...ooohh
a perfectly connected facet of 2
2 joined as 1
soul body mind linking….

kIsS me...

Saturday, October 20, 2007

...lIfE lIsT...


...pLaCeS tO gO...

1. spain
2. california
3. paris
4. italy
5. london

...tHiNgS tO dO...

1. sing the national anthem at a baseball game
2. open a private practice in my profession
3. create some type of scholarship for underprivileged teens attending college

Saturday, October 13, 2007

...101 uNdIsClOsEd ItEmS...

1. im getting married soon & im sooo nervous
2. i was the 1st one in my fam 2 graduate from college
3. i was the 1st 1 in my fam to pursue a masters degree (i graduate in 6 months)
4. my fiance is a different race then me & we still have to deal with adversity from my fam
5. im terrified of being a mom b/c i dont want to screw up my childs life
6. im worried that my fiance will be more of a friend then a father to our kids
7. i had some of the best times of my life at college

8. i did lots of things that i regret while at college
9. my fav color is blue
10. i hate what i look like naked but my fiance says its his fav view of me
11. it makes me angry when people ask me about my ex (when im with my fiance)
12. i use my bestfriends life as a guideline for how i want my future to look
13. i love to wrestle with my fiance
14. i feel most comfortable in "flash dance socks", sweats and a hoodie
15. i love havin burpin contests with my fiance
16. i wish i wasnt so intimidating to people
17. sometimes i wish people would give me a break from always being the strong one
18. sometimes i get sick of having to work so hard, to do well
19. i love to dance around my house in "flash dance socks", panties and a tank top
20. i worry that i dont cry enough
21. i hate that people ask me if i am "psychoanalysing" them, just because im a psychologist
22. i love to sing
23. i wish i had the courage to pursue singing as a career
24. i always dreamed of singing the national anthem at a baseball game (so i can say "lets play ball" at the end)
25. i used to sing the national anthem (occasionally) at basketball games where i went to college
26. i sang the national anthem at an open mic night in a bar b/c my friend bet a shot & a beer i didnt know the words
27. i am starting to love scrapbooking
28. i have a hard time giving people 2nd chances
29. i overanalyze everything...everything
30. i hate meditating because i cant get my thoughts to stop racing
31. i love to eat tacos...i could eat them everyday for the rest of my life and be content
32. i hate doing laundry & cleaning the bathroom
33. i wish my mother wasnt so selfish
34. my biological father was killed when i was 4 years old
35. my fam made me meet the guy who did it to help me "forgive" him....i NEVER forgave him
36. i worry that my dad is watchin me and is disappointed in what ive done with my life
37. i hate that i feel like i have to prove myself to my biological fathers fam
38. my biggest fear is disappointing myself
39. my 2nd biggest fear is becoming like my mother
40. i struggle with learning how to forgive people for the some of the things theyve done
41. i wish i could have sex every single day
42. sometimes i worry that i enjoy sex way more than i should
43. i love havin sex in the shower, it seems so naughty & erotic
44. i once had sex in an elevator
45. i love to laugh
46. i fear that i dont laugh enough
47. i try to pretend that i dont care about what other people think of me
48. it really bothers me when people think im a mean person
49. i wish that our world wasnt so stuck on race & class
50. i get sick of having to prove myself because of my sex & my color
51. i hate astrology
52. i get really annoyed when people find out my zodiac sign then try to relate to me by telling me their sign
53. it really bothers me when people have no desire to further their education (even if its just readin the newspaper)
54. i hate it when people look down on manual laborers
55. i think everyone should spend the day working as a garbage collector to humble themselves
56. i always wanted to be a mail carrier so when i got angry i could threaten to "go postal"
57. there are 7 things ive done in my life that ive never forgiven myself for
58. before i die i hope to get that list down to at least 3
59. i love to watch forensic crime shows so i can learn how to kill people & get away with it
60. id like to completely redo our judicial system
61. i hate being alone because it forces me to think about all the painful things ive dealt with in my life
62. i was molested by an uncle for several years when i was younger
63. i told my grandmother and she didnt believe me
64. i never forgave her for that
65. i worry that my life is passing me by cuz im so busy all the time
66. my knee is screwed up and it will cause me problems for the rest of my life
67. i regret not having the surgery to correct it when i had the chance
68. i love to sit around and watch old movies
69. i am jealous of people who already have all the things that i want
70. i get very angry when people complain about not having material things
71. i worry that im going to go through life without making a difference
72. i wish i was able to be more emotional
73. when i am emotional i get angry because i dont know how to handle it
74.i went to college still dating my high school boyfriend
75. that is one of the things that i regret about college
76. i have a lot of "friends"
77. i only have one quality friend
78. i wish i wouldve taken dance classes as a child
79. i feel like im wasting my talents
80. i worry that i will never make my grandmother happy
81. im angry that i have to prove myself to my grandmother
82. ive only felt unconditional love by 3 people in my life
83. one of those 3 people is my best friend (thank u. S-4-L)
84. i worry that i spend so much time takin care of others that i never let anyone take care of me
85. im allergic to coconut
86. once when i was depressed, i decided to drink a lot of pina coladas
87. after my 3rd pina colada i gave up on giving up and took some benadryl
88. people in my profession have the highest divorce rate in america
89. i am terrified that my marriage will end in divorce
90. im envious of people who can lay around and let others take care of them
91. i like to mix random things with different kinds of alcohol to see what tastes better
92. i hate that i had to waste my adolescent years raising my siblings
93. i love to cook & bake; my family calls me betty crocker
94. especially when i do everything from scratch
95. people who act helpless annoy me
96. i hate it when people act like they are better than others...we are ALL people
97. i hate when people talk down about public education
98. i worry that im not making the right career choice
99. i feel pressured when others put me in the position of a leader
100. when i was younger i dreamed of becoming a famous poet
101. yesterday i wrote a poem for the 1st time in 9 years & ive never felt more at ease